Mama Sass

Mama SassMama Sass is an incognito working mother of two who lives in Miami and writes about moms in pop culture. She hides her identity to spare her daughters (and mother-in-law) the embarrassment.

19th Nervous Back-to-School Breakdown

Brace yourself, ladies.
Brace yourself, ladies.

Neurotransmitters start sending panic signals to the brain. Adrenaline releases into the bloodstream. The heart rate increases, the breath shortens, followed by sweat and dizziness. 

You are poised on the verge of meltdown mode or total regression, with only the fetal position and thumb sucking for comfort. 

Each August, millions deal with back-to-school anxiety. Another year looming with questions, fears and uncertainties.

I’m not talking about the kids. They’ll be fine. 

I’m talking about us poor moms. 

Every school year, we suffer in silence, our minds in overdrive as we contemplate all the things that could go possibly wrong. From kindergarten to college, it’s a mental burden only another mother can know. 

As we smile at our kids in reassurance, let’s not try to think about:

  • What if I oversleep? 
  • What if traffic or work keeps me from picking them up on time?
  • Will the other kids be kind to them?
  • Will they be kind to the other kids?
  • What if nobody sits with them at lunch? 
  • What if somebody up to no good spots her walking to class?
  • Is this the year she meets THE BOY who ruins everything?
  • Will my teenager ever let me get out of the car again? 
  • How do I keep her from staying up all night?
  • Who is she Snapchatting? 
  • How can I get her to eat breakfast?
  • How can I afford all these books and school supplies?
  • What the hell is a trapper keeper?
  • Why did she take the old, scuzzy backpack and leave the new one at home?
  • What if she gets cut from the team?
  • Why are there so many forms to sign?
  • Will my kids still speak to me after I post their first-day photos on Facebook?

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