mama sass - Profile | Pictures | Blog - Mama Sass
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User: mama sass
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Joined: Jun 2 2008 - 02:23:01 PM
Last Visit: Nov 18 2009 - 09:24:36 PM
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I am a: Work-outside-home parent
My work and family: Two offspring, one husband, which means my reading time is limited to 5 alone-time minutes in the bathroom. Still, I survive on a steady diet of magazine/newspaper/online news & gossip. I eat everything on my plate, like my mama taught me.
Bio/Interests: Welcome to my running rage about moms and how pop culture treats 'em. -
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All I Want for Xmas is the Swine Flu Shot | Moms Miami All I Want for Xmas is the Swine Flu Shot
Lining your child up for a flu vaccine could be the most humanitarian gesture you make this holiday season. You can drag your kids to all the soup kitchens, homeless shelters and Habitat for Humanity projects you want, but the biggest, most selfless act of kindess you can teach them is to stick out their arm or nose and get a shot or blast of the H1N1 immunization. It’s free – and it more than likely will save the...read more...Posted on: Nov 17 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
When kids ask crazy questions | Moms Miami When kids ask crazy questions
Rarely does a day go by that my kids don’t stump me with a sticky question. About a week ago, as I ran around the house turning the clocks back for the end of daylight savings time, my 9-year-old looked up from her Barbies and said, "Mom, what time did the world start?" When I’m in Good Mom Mode, I usually struggle for a smart, authoritative answer. This was easy when they were younger and they threw...read more...
Inquiring minds want to know.Do cranky kids belong on airplanes? | Moms Miami Do cranky kids belong on airplanes?
Last week, Southwest Airlines kicked a mom and her noisy two-year-old off a flight from Texas to California because the boy was screaming "Go, plane! Go!" and "I want Daddy!" repeatedly while the jet waited in line for takeoff. Since then, the flying public has squared off in the blogosphere into two distinct factions: The child-haters who would prefer to have crying toddlers stored with baggage in the belly of...read more...
What airlines plan next for unruly kids.Makes Me Wanna Holler | Moms Miami Makes Me Wanna Holler
I just read something that makes me want to scream. A story in the New York Times takes today’s parents to task for yelling too much at their kids. Child psychologists call screaming the new "spanking." To which my reply is: !*&$#@???+!!!!!? It seems that despite our best parenting intentions – all those child-rearing books we’ve read, all those healthy lunches we’ve packed, all...read more...
Old YellerEt tu, Baby? Kids who betray their parents | Moms Miami Et tu, Baby? Kids who betray their parents
Beware the Ides of March? Forget that. What I fear now is October and this unexplained sudden outbreak of offspring betraying parents. First, the son of New York society maven Brooke Astor was convicted on charges that he defrauded his mother and stole tens of millions of dollars from her as she suffered from Alzheimer’s near the end of her life. Then, here in Florida, the Broward County mayor turned her back on her...read more...Posted on: Oct 20 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Keeping it real: Don't retouch school photos! | Moms Miami Keeping it real: Don't retouch school photos!
Sometimes I look back at my school photos and wonder, "What was mom thinking?" There’s the one from second grade, where the big red ball on my ponytail holder is perched atop my head like a giant red cherry crowning a hairy ice cream sundae. There’s the one from third grade where I look like I just rolled out of bed. And why didn’t she put her foot down when I walked out of the house on the day of my...read more...
Is Tattooing Kids a Crime? | Moms Miami Is Tattooing Kids a Crime?
Should parents do time for tattooing their kids? Most people would agree that parents should be locked up if they physically abuse or punish their children to the extent of leaving marks on the body. But what about tats? No longer taboo in our culture, tattoos still aren’t OK by law in most states on kids under 18. In California, where a father is being charged for tattooing his 7-year-old son, the dad is facing a...read more...
MARKING OUR TERRITORYAmerican Girl's New Homeless Doll | Moms Miami American Girl's New Homeless Doll
I’ve always been a bit squirmy about the high prices and accumulation of unnecessary objects propagated by the American Girl Doll Empire, those eerie, look-alike dolls coveted by every girl under the age of 9. The one saving grace for me was the history lesson-book that accompanies most of them. But I do think owner Mattel has pushed its AG branding gimmicks too far with its latest "limited edition" homeless...read more...Posted on: Sep 29 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
WILL PLAY FOR FOOD: Meet Gwen. She's homeless. And sells for $95.Wham, Bam, No Thank You to Ma'am | Moms Miami Wham, Bam, No Thank You to Ma'am
Do you remember the first time you were ma’am-ed? I do. I was standing in line to use a bank machine at a rest stop on the Florida Turnpike. I was in my late 30s and a cute, college-age guy walked up and dropped the m-bomb on me. "Excuse me, ma’am, are you in line?" I was stunned. In ma’am shock. Here I was thinking about how well he filled out those jeans and all he was thinking about was how...read more...
Who you calling ma'am, sweetie?Say it ain't so, Serena | Moms Miami Say it ain't so, Serena
I coach a girls’ soccer team and they’re a smart group of 9-year-olds, but every year I have to drill the same simple rule into them: Do not argue with the ref. It’s basic sportsmanship. The ref is always right. Not only does he or she have the sole power and best vantage point for making calls, but bowing to his or her authority is the only way to maintain order in a game. You may not like the decision,...read more...
Losing her cool.When the prez speaks, should students listen? | Moms Miami When the prez speaks, should students listen?
Today at noon the President of the United States will speak to schoolchildren about the importance of working hard and the value of a good education. Will your child be watching? Personally, I’m thrilled that Obama wants to deliver this message. As most moms know, we could say the same thing over and over until we’re blue in the face and it wouldn’t carry the same weight or make the same impression on our kids as...read more...
I'm a Proud Toy Killer (just don't tell my kids) | Moms Miami I'm a Proud Toy Killer (just don't tell my kids)
With my little DNA particles back in school, that means I now have time to have that second cup of coffee in peace, read the entire newspaper and finally shave my legs in the morning. But the best thing about being alone in the house again is that I can start purging all the crap in my daughters’ bedroom. Yes, I am a murderer of toys. With my unsuspecting daughters sitting in class, I can be as brazen as I want,...read more...
Time to Dry Off: My Farewell Summer Playlist | Moms Miami Time to Dry Off: My Farewell Summer Playlist
Feel it in the air? OK, that’s probably a hurricane breeze, but there’s a definite change in the tempo out there. Our summer is ending. Or course it's not official until the end of September. But school has started and, before you know it, we’ll be sweating in our Halloween costumes. I love the fall, but I can’t help feeling wistful as summer wanes and I long for one more homework-less night, one more...read more...
Living in the Shadow of Woodstock | Moms Miami Living in the Shadow of Woodstock
I was 4 when Woodstock happened. And I haven’t stopped hearing about it since. Really, ever since Time magazine declared the Baby Boom Generation its "Man of the Year" in 1967, I haven’t been able to escape this demographic bulge that keeps reminding me what a great time they had, how special they are, how fearless, how impressive, how trend-setting… How meaningless life is for those born after...read more...
John Hughes & The Clueless Parent Club | Moms Miami John Hughes & The Clueless Parent Club
One of the first things I did when I read that John Hughes had died of a heart attack at age 59 last week was go to my Blockbuster online queue and add The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles to the top of my mailing list. I’ve been subjecting my daughters to ’80s movies all summer and I figured this was a sign that they were ready to move into the teen angst genre. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t....read more...Posted on: Aug 11 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
The Pornification of a Generation? | Moms Miami The Pornification of a Generation?
I’ve heard a lot of tsk-tsking lately about pornography going mainstream, that our kids are growing up all confused and twisted in this hyper-sexualized environment we’ve created. They say we’ve reached a cultural tipping point, where everyday porn has seeped so deeply into the fabric of mainstream culture that it’s no longer seen as a stain. First, there was Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner and...read more...Posted on: Aug 4 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Do you know it when you see it?At the Movies: Creepy Kids | Moms Miami At the Movies: Creepy Kids
I must have sensed someone was standing there when I opened my eyes around 3 a.m. recently and found my 9-year-old daughter hovering silently over my bed. I have to admit, for a split second, she scared the bejeezus out of me. Then, "Mama, can I sleep with you?" I let her slide in between the covers and thought to myself, "Whew, I have not given birth to the Bad Seed, after all." I don’t care...read more...Posted on: Jul 28 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Child's PlayWhere's Perry Mason When You Need Him? | Moms Miami Where's Perry Mason When You Need Him?
U.S. Supreme Court Justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor recently cited childhood days spent watching Perry Mason on TV as her inspiration for becoming a judge. Which makes me wonder what TV character will someday inspire my kids? Zack and Cody? Hannah Montana? Carly from iCarly? God help the highest court in the land if it has to rely on this generation of TV viewers to fill its ranks in 50 years. The truth is there aren’t...read more...Posted on: Jul 21 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
The Grossness of Being Mom | Moms Miami The Grossness of Being Mom
Nothing – not even the messiness of giving birth – can prepare you for the grossness of being a mom. Take for instance the photo above. This is a promotional pic for an actual product called the NoseFrida super-baby-snot-sucker. And, yes, it’s a tube that enables mom to inhale mucus straight out of an infant’s clogged nose. Real moms don’t think "blek" when they look at this; they think,...read more...
Let 'em wear burka? | Moms Miami Let 'em wear burka?
Sure, I find the idea of wearing a burka oppressive and sexist. That’s pretty much what I think about the five-inch heels and micro-minis I see on the streets of Miami, too. I wouldn’t wear either get-up. But that’s my choice. French President Nicolas Sarkozy used a feminist argument when he announced plans last month to ban the burka in France. The all-enveloping gown is degrading to women, he said to wild...read more...
It's July 4. Liberate the children! | Moms Miami It's July 4. Liberate the children!
This Saturday is the Fourth of July, a day in which we’ll mark our country’s 233 years of independence from Great Britain. Celebrate it by giving your kid a little freedom. Take it from this recovering hover mom who still has trouble cutting the cord. I know it’s not easy with Nancy Grace screaming out of the TV about the disappeared child du jour , but teaching your son or daughter to be independent is the best...read more...Posted on: Jun 30 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Should our kids dissect animals? | Moms Miami Should our kids dissect animals?
Let’s calm down for a moment. Or, as I like to whisper to my kids when they become wild and irrational, tranquila, tranquila. In the past few weeks, with dozens of cat carcasses littering South Dade, there have been several illogical leaps of logic. That’s understandable. Nobody likes to find her pet mutilated on the front lawn. Still, it seems a bit unfair that the jury of public opinion has...read more...Posted on: Jun 23 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Future cat killers? Serial killers in the making?Please Pass the Placenta | Moms Miami Please Pass the Placenta
You might want to put your breakfast bacon down before reading this. Even though I never saw my placenta and my husband, who did, refuses to talk about it, I understand it holds a lot of magic in some distant, primative cultures. It’s not unheard of to bury the afterbirth for good fortune ... or good fertilizer. Even Matthew McConacrazy, who comes from the exotic land of Texas, announced last year that he and his...read more...Posted on: Jun 16 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Just like mom used to make!The Littlest Tweets of All | Moms Miami The Littlest Tweets of All
Just pooped for the fifth time … ahhhh, slept for 12 hours today – woo hoo! … uh oh, accidentally bit mom while nursing, boy was she mad … Imagine if newborns could Twitter. But wait, they can. Unfortunately, there are now a growing number of social networking websites for babies. These sites – Totspot, LittleGrams, Kidmondo – are like Facebook for babies. Parents create online...read more...
Why Hate Kate? | Moms Miami Why Hate Kate?
OK, she does seem shrew-like. She snaps at her husband on national television. She’s bossy. She may have even fooled around with her bodyguard. But why is Kate, the better half of TLC’s Monday night reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, getting such a raw deal from the media? While that lame-o, college-dropout husband of hers wins over public opinion despite his alleged infidelity, tabloid magazine covers are...read more...Posted on: Jun 2 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Why I slept through American Idol | Moms Miami Why I slept through American Idol
Was I the only person who didn’t watch the finale of "American Idol" last week? Viewership is actually on the decline, but you wouldn’t know it by the buzz at work and my kids’ school. Although I’m usually too exhausted to turn on the TV most weeknights, and the show thankfully came on after my daughters’ bedtime, I had to pass for other reasons. Namely, that the country’s biggest pop...read more...Posted on: May 26 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
A Mom's iWish Apps | Moms Miami A Mom's iWish Apps
I recently had lunch with a bunch of MFFNs (mom friends for now) and, before long, we had whipped out our iPhones to compare applications. Sharing the latest apps is now the social equivalent to seeking advice on schools or babysitters. It’s taken the iTunes app store awhile to catch on that tech-mamas are probably the customers with the greatest growth potential. What other demographic multitasks as much? Or could...read more...Posted on: May 19 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Let's junk kids' TV junk food ads | Moms Miami Let's junk kids' TV junk food ads
Anybody who takes a child to the grocery store gets the power of TV marketing. Saw it on the Disney Channel, Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon? Gotta have it. I can tuck something new and healthy into my kids’ lunchboxes, but they don’t consider it cool unless they’ve seen it in a TV ad. I try to give them a shot of healthy skepticism every time I see ads for fast food, candy and unhealthy snacks. I mock ad...read more...Posted on: May 12 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Is Swine Flu End of Miami’s Kissy Culture? | Moms Miami Is Swine Flu End of Miami’s Kissy Culture?
It figures that just when the Gringo in me has become totally at ease with the whole cheek kiss thing, along comes a pandemic to put the kibosh on public puckering. It took me years not to freeze like a deer in the headlights when one of my Latin friends swooped into my personal space for the greeting peck. I’ve come to accept that even important and somber discussions must halt so any newcomer to the group can have her...read more...
The Kiss Hello -- Should We Kiss it Goodbye?Let the Women Go: A Call For Potty Equality | Moms Miami Let the Women Go: A Call For Potty Equality
At the tender age of 8, my daughter has already learned one of the hard facts of female life. There just aren't enough johns in this world. We recently raced a stampede of women to get to the restroom in a big public library only to find a wall of moms and daughters already waiting in a long line for the loo -- praying, crossing their legs and glaring at the men who zipped in and out of their stalls next door....read more...Posted on: Apr 28 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Restrooms: Separate and Unequal?Going Bare Down There | Moms Miami Going Bare Down There
There’s no beating around the bush on this topic, so I’ll dive right in: Have you noticed that nobody under the age of 40 has pubic hair anymore? We’re talking mass deforestation. Waxing, shaving, sugaring, lasering. It’s no longer just for porn stars. Brazilians and landing strips are passé. It’s all about neatening your nether regions. Pubic hair – for men and women – is...read more...
Divorcing By Text | Moms Miami Divorcing By Text
Did you hear about the Saudi man who divorced his wife by text message? In a case of 7th century misogynistic ideology meeting 21st century technology, the man was in Iraq when he sent the SMS informing the woman that her wifely duties were no longer needed. He followed up with a telephone call to two of his relatives, the daily Arab News reported. Apparently, under the strict form of Islamic law practiced in Saudi...read more...
The High-Roller Stroller Arms Race | Moms Miami The High-Roller Stroller Arms Race
I had a happy thought about the sucky economy this past week. This might spell the end of the High-Roller Stroller Arms Race. The evil marketing genius who discovered that vulnerable new parents would spend the price of a crappy used car to buy their precious little one a souped-up ride should be trampled and left flattened on the sidewalk by the pimp-my-stroller brigade. These status strollers just get more and more...read more...Posted on: Apr 7 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
PIMP MY STROLLERMy Tush, Your Ad, Let's Talk | Moms Miami My Tush, Your Ad, Let's Talk
Lacking cash and patience, I have cooked up a brilliant recession-proof plan for making the most money with the least amount of effort: My backside as a billboard. Notice I said billboard and not bumper sticker. That’s because all this eating on the cheap is widening my ad space. It may not be Juicy, but it’s available. I’m willing to share this arses-for-ads scheme with you, dear friends, because I believe that...read more...
Your ad here.Shake Your Baby Maker | Moms Miami Shake Your Baby Maker
It was easy to dismiss surrogate motherhood as exploitation when an increasing number of American military wives and impoverished women in India were reportedly turning their bodies into moneymakers last year. Like a scene out of Margaret Atwood’s 1985 novel, The Handmaid’s Tale, some Third World womb workers were signing contracts with their thumbprints because they didn’t know how to read or write....read more...Posted on: Mar 24 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
WOMB FOR RENTThe Mother of Inventions | Moms Miami The Mother of Inventions
You were probably too busy wiping kids’ butts with your pink slip to note that March 8 was International Women’s Day. However, the moment was not lost on L’Osservatore Romano, the semi-official newspaper of the Vatican, which commented on women’s lib in an editorial that declared the washing machine as the most liberating advancement of the 20th century for women. We’re assuming they...read more...
Keep Your Dirty Paws Off Dora | Moms Miami Keep Your Dirty Paws Off Dora
By now you’ve probably heard how Mattel is tarting up Dora the Explorer to appeal to a tween audience. Instead of animal friends and adventures, she’ll be a "fashionable" city girl in middle school, with a line of accessories and the ability to do online makeovers. Yours for only $59.99. WTF?! (In the spirit of Dora’s beloved Nick Jr. persona, I tried to find a bilingual equivalent to this...read more...Posted on: Mar 10 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Tween Dora, coming soon to a tractor-trailer mud flap on the Florida Turnpike.Losing Sleep Over This One | Moms Miami Losing Sleep Over This One
I thought I had it bad because my husband snores like a jackhammer. Then I read about the poor Coral Springs woman whose husband likes to strangle her in his sleep. File this one under, "You know it’s time for separate bedrooms when …" Alyson Kaplan, 36, told police that she awoke, gasping and feeling pressure on her neck. She heard her husband say, "I'm going to strangle you." ...read more...
Preparing for bedtime with a parasomniac.Wet Nurses to the World | Moms Miami Wet Nurses to the World
I think I’ve hit upon a solution for world hunger and our climbing unemployment rate. Thank Salma Hayek. A film of the voluptuous actress nursing a starving baby in Sierra Leone recently made the rounds on the Internet. Just about everybody has chimed in about the two-minute booby moment, from nursing advocates who applaud Hayek’s aplomb to others who thought it was plain gross to the predictable crowd of gawking men who...read more...Posted on: Feb 24 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Feed the world.Confessions of a Closet Cougar | Moms Miami Confessions of a Closet Cougar
It started in December, when I was innocently watching the Disturbia DVD. The thriller stars Shia LaBeouf, who I vaguely remembered as the skinny, annoying kid in the Disney Channel series "Even Stevens." Only now Shia is 21, lanky, with a bit of a bad boy lope to his walk. About halfway through the movie, I realized I was thinking a little too hard about young, scruffy Shia. The same age-inappropriate...read more...Posted on: Feb 17 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
We Don't Need Another Hero | Moms Miami We Don't Need Another Hero
Sure, Alex Rodriguez and Michael Phelps are probably pretty glum these days, but it’s parents who seem to be taking these superstars’ falls from grace the hardest. Soon after news broke of A-Rod’s alleged steroid use and Phelps’ documented bong hit, there was an audible collective sigh of disgust from parents everywhere. Where have all the good heroes gone? Why can’t these guys behave...read more...Posted on: Feb 10 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
ROPE-A-DOPE: Let she who has never been stoned cast the first stone.Forever in Mom Jeans | Moms Miami Forever in Mom Jeans
Jessica Simpson’s career has taken a big hit recently. Not because she was singing at a chili cook-off in Pembroke Pines or because her meathead football player boyfriend Tony Romo allegedly cheated on her or even because President Obama commented on her "weight problem" on national television before the Super Bowl this past Sunday. No, Jessie is in trouble because she was caught trading in her Daisy Dukes...read more...
If I Could Do It All Over Again ... | Moms Miami If I Could Do It All Over Again ...
The first month of the New Year will expire this Saturday. There’s something magical about January and its ability to make you feel like you can start anew. Makes me think about all the second chances I wish I had, especially as a mother: that sharp comment I’d like to take back, a wiser answer to the important question asked the other day. Everybody wishes they had done at least one thing differently, but...read more...
No regrets? Moms deserve at last one do-over in a lifetime.Mommy, What Color is the President? | Moms Miami Mommy, What Color is the President?
The students at my daughters’ small Miami school come from all over Latin America, the Caribbean and the United States, with skin tones ranging from caramel to bronze to honey to the paper white of the little red-headed boy who has to spend five minutes applying sunscreen before PE to keep from turning flamingo pink. I love this variety and I love that my kids are growing up with it. Whenever the subject of race comes up,...read more...
Yours, Mine and OursTim Tebow: Every Gator Mom's Dream | Moms Miami Tim Tebow: Every Gator Mom's Dream
Ever since he single-handedly won last week’s Bowl Championship Series title game in Miami for the University of Florida, the seas have been parting for golden boy quarterback Tim Tebow. Newspaper sports writers and ESPN commentators gush over him. Even those homophobic blowhards who spend their days on sports blogs and Internet forums can’t help slapping Tebow’s tight butt with delight. But there’s...read more...Posted on: Jan 13 2009 - 06:00:00 AM
Go deep girls and maybe he'll notice you.Going Nuts Over Nut Allergies | Moms Miami Going Nuts Over Nut Allergies
I was OK with the school-wide Halloween ban on candy with nuts. I ransacked the shelves at Publix and read the fine print. I even complied with the NO PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES lunch rule in my oldest daughter’s class last year because we were told a kid might have a severe peanut allergy. We got the all-clear this school year. The boy isn't allergic to nuts. Still, the no-nut nonsense continues. In fact, we...read more...
Top 10: News-Making Moms of 2008 | Moms Miami Top 10: News-Making Moms of 2008
This year was marred by a deep, dark recession, but it was also the year of THE MOM. As proof, I present Amy Poehler, who began ’08 playing a Baby Mama in the movies and punctuated the year by practically giving birth for real on SNL’s Weekend Update desk, filling the Presidential Election with big-belly laughs. They may not have all made us proud, but these women definitely did their best to...read more...Posted on: Dec 30 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Moms of '08: The Yearning for Zion Ranch Moms.Make Someone Happy | Moms Miami Make Someone Happy
I know this is uncharacteristically optimistic, but my wish for you all on the cusp of 2009 is that you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who is happy. I’ll explain: There’s some scientific backing now to the notion that happiness is contagious. You’ve heard the warning that when you sleep with someone you’re actually having sex with all the people they’ve ever loved before? Well, now...read more...
The Fat Lady Sings | Moms Miami The Fat Lady Sings
Just when you thought you could suck down candy canes, gingerbread men and that Christmas ham without a second thought, the most famous fat chick of all has to come forward and share with the world that, once again, she has chunked up. Of course, since she is our supreme symbol of female power, when Oprah talks, we have to listen. And put down our second plate of ham. In the January 2009 issue of O Magazine, Oprah shares with...read more...
Like a Virgin | Moms Miami Like a Virgin
Because we all could use a fresh start, give your hubby the perfect gift this holiday season. Revirginize yourself. Forget about new breasts and Botox, those are for plastic surgery wimps. I’m talking about serious crotch reconstruction, aka "designer vaginas." Hymenoplasty is a four- to six-hour procedure that reattaches a woman’s hymen to make her appear to be a virgin again. Cost: $1,810 to $5,000....read more...
Lost & FoundPublic vs. Private School? | Moms Miami Public vs. Private School?
I know it’s naïve, but I was a little bummed when the Obamas recently chose a pricey private school for Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7. I don’t know, I thought that maybe with a national campaign based on CHANGE, we wouldn’t see a repeat of the not- my -kids syndrome. I’m talking about the rich power elite who "believe" in public schools, but would never think of sending their own children to one....read more...
Black Friday: Get Ready to Rumble | Moms Miami Black Friday: Get Ready to Rumble
It’s that time again, when good Christians line up before dawn and contemplate the annual question, "What would Jesus buy?" OK, that’s not fair. Debtmas is now celebrated by compulsive shoppers everywhere, one of those holidays that brings all religions, colors and cultures together into one giant Consumers Gone Wild mosh pit. This year, the thrill of the chase promises to be even more thrilling. In...read more...Posted on: Nov 25 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
The President’s Message for Kids: Get Smart! | Moms Miami The President’s Message for Kids: Get Smart!
A lot has been written about what Barack Obama’s election symbolizes. For sure, Obama’s ascent as U.S. Prez spells victory for many: African Americans, Democrats, young voters, believers in race-blind politics, liberals, peaceniks, those worried about America’s image abroad, the sons and daughters of single moms … But to me, the ultimate message delivered by Obama’s election – especially for...read more...
Cheap Thrills: The Up Side to the Recession | Moms Miami Cheap Thrills: The Up Side to the Recession
I have decided to celebrate our doomed economy. It’s time to find something positive in that stack of bills I can’t pay. I’m not the first to look for a sunny side to the recession. As proof that you can put an appealing spin on just about anything, the trend police are now declaring that thriftiness is in vogue. This time, I think they’re right. The Joe the Plumber presidential ploy...read more...Posted on: Nov 11 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Recessionistas Unite!Small Talk: Political Commentary from We The (Little) People | Moms Miami Small Talk: Political Commentary from We The (Little) People
Listening to my kids and their friends chat about the election, I’ve decided adults should tear up their voter registration cards and let the under-10 set have their say. Here on Nov. 4 – the day the sh** hits the fan – is a tribute to the Presidential Election as spoken from the mouths of babes. These comments were collected from other moms and my own back seat. On division of labor: "I always thought...read more...
We The (Little) PeopleFacebook is Hazardous to Your Health | Moms Miami Facebook is Hazardous to Your Health
Don’t think I’m bashing Facebook because it won’t allow momsmiami.com blogs to be posted on the site due to some arcane, assinine glitch in its new format. No, I grew wary of this time-eating monster long before that. Sometime around the school night I stayed up until 2 a.m. adding photos, gifts, cities I’ve visited, bumper stickers, books, causes and other applications to my profile page. Don’t...read more...Posted on: Oct 28 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Facebook ate my soul.Knock knock. Who's there? It's the President ... | Moms Miami Knock knock. Who's there? It's the President ...
I admit, at first I was tickled with the idea of presidential candidates and their sidekicks making morning View and late-night Letterman appearances. I started looking forward to Saturday Night Live again. Heck, Caribou Barbie's appearance on this past weekend's episode probably drew more viewers than all presidential debates combined. I even laughed at Obama and McCain’s self-deprecating humor at the recent...read more...
Funny guys.bOOb town: Busting Out the Cleavage Debate | Moms Miami bOOb town: Busting Out the Cleavage Debate
In a place where most of the female population sprouts breasts that comprise half their body weight, it ’ s time for some serious tit talk. I ’ ve come to terms with the surgically-enhanced hood ornaments endemic to South Florida. Yes, I admit it can be challenging to be a B-cup in a C-cup city, but that ’ s not where I ’ m coming from. Ladies, we need to set some serious ground rules about when it ’ s...read more...Posted on: Oct 14 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Miami or BustPod Thoughts: Teen Sex Ed on the Web | Moms Miami Pod Thoughts: Teen Sex Ed on the Web
Maybe the Midwest isn’t as boring as I thought. After all, it has The Midwest Teen Sex Show, a racy video podcast hosted by a 20-something mom of three who has taken sex education into her own hands, dispensing birds-and-the-bees info in a humorous, wisecracking way. The three- to five-minute monthly episodes ( http://midwestteensexshow.com/ ), filmed for the past year on a shoestring budget primarily in Waukesha, Wisc.,...read more...Posted on: Oct 7 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Think Before You Pink | Moms Miami Think Before You Pink
October begins tomorrow and – like Christmas decorations that startle and annoy us by popping up in stores by Halloween – the parade of pink products for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is well underway. You can’t get through Target or Macy’s this time of year without being bombarded by pink can openers, pink mixing bowls, pink vacuums, pink shoelaces, pink candles, pink night-lights, pink visors,...read more...Posted on: Sep 30 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Looking for Mr. Goodsperm | Moms Miami Looking for Mr. Goodsperm
Put this in your virtual shopping cart and charge it: Next time you’re purchasing Oprah’s book of the month on amazon.com or splurging for strappy heels on zappos.com, click over to http://www.cryobank.com/ and order yourself some quality online sperm. California Cryobank is now offering sperm shopping on the Internet. Starting this month, you can find a donor using the handy Quick Search pull-down menu, which...read more...Posted on: Sep 23 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Take Your Gun To Work Day | Moms Miami Take Your Gun To Work Day
Did you hear about the Texas school district that beat Miami to the draw this fall and now allows teachers to carry handguns to school? Please don’t tell the publicity-crazed maniacs on the Miami-Dade School Board or guns as back-to-school attire for teachers will end up at the top of the new superintendent’s to-do list. A small, rural school system in Harrold, Tex., is the first school district in the nation to...read more...
Do You Trust This Woman? | Moms Miami Do You Trust This Woman?
I recently received an e-mail touting Kelly Ripa as the spokesmodel for Electrolux and burst out laughing. Electrolux is a fancy brand of washers, dryers, ovens and dishwashers. For some reason, this European appliance company thinks moms everywhere will identify with an emaciated talk show host when they think about dirty clothes and dishes. One ad shows the celebrity mother of three sitting atop a "turquoise...read more...Posted on: Sep 9 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
A Memo to Bag Ladies | Moms Miami A Memo to Bag Ladies
To: Women who tote around oversized, overpriced purses Re: Why? It’s not that I care that you’re destroying your posture by shouldering that super-sized Lola Patent Hobo ($2,495) or Lanvin Padvoa Sac ($2,160). It’s not that it irritates me (much) when you swing around on your Jimmy Choos and whack me with your over-inflated Yves Saint Laurent “Muse” bag ($1,300). It’s not that I...read more...
The girl has a lot of baggage.We Don't Need No Stinkin' Sex Patches! | Moms Miami We Don't Need No Stinkin' Sex Patches!
After moms have worked all day, made dinner, washed the dishes, supervised homework, folded the clean laundry, paid the bills and put the kids to bed, men are still baffled why we’re not in the mood for a romp under the covers before the 6 a.m. alarm heralds a return to the hamster wheel of life. Now some scientists in South Miami have come up with a "cure." Hailed as the female Viagra, a testosterone patch is being...read more...
This works better.Girlfriends with Benefits | Moms Miami Girlfriends with Benefits
This has been the summer of girl-on-girl action, and I’m scratching my sunburned scalp over whether this is a good thing. I don't mind my 8-year-old daughter skipping around the house singing “I Kissed a Girl,” this summer’s hit song by pop tart Katy Perry. My daughters and I have already talked about the fact that some boys like boys and some girls like girls. No...read more...Posted on: Aug 19 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Lindsay Lohan with gal pal in Cannes. Did she kiss a girl? Did she like it?Stand by Your Man ... or not | Moms Miami Stand by Your Man ... or not
If there’s a breath of fresh air in the latest stinker about yet another politician who can’t keep his fly zipped, it’s this: Elizabeth Edwards didn’t sit loyally by her husband’s side when John Edwards publicly confessed that he cheated on her. In case you missed Edwards’ televised admission, which coincided with the opening of the Summer Olympic Games on Friday evening (good timing,...read more...Posted on: Aug 12 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
What's in a Name? | Moms Miami What's in a Name?
Is it child abuse to stick your kid with a crappy name? A family court judge in New Zealand thinks so and he recently made a 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so her name could be changed from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii to a nombre he deemed more appropriate. ( http://www.miamiherald.com/news/world/AP/story/616106.html ) "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and...read more...
Who's Your Daddy? | Moms Miami Who's Your Daddy?
Hey moms, if you’re suffering from those nagging doubts over which dude fathered your child, there’s now a quick remedy. Amid the packs of Trojans and Vagisil tubes on the shelves of your neighborhood drug store, you can now find the Identigene DNA Paternity Test Kit, the first over-the-counter kit of its kind to be sold in major retail stores ( www.dnatesting.com ). A press release...read more...
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantyhose | Moms Miami Sisterhood of the Traveling Pantyhose
I’ve been saving this one up for a searing hot summer day: Sisters, it’s time to send those pantyhose south. I’m not talking about down-around-the-ankles-during-hot-sex-in-a-public-restroom kind of south. I mean, throw those control-top, sausage-wrapping suckers away. It’s OK now. So says the Wall Street Journal and Michelle Obama. It’s suddenly become acceptable to confess what many of us did...read more...
Please release me from this shrink wrap.Scare Your Pants On Tactics | Moms Miami Scare Your Pants On Tactics
Like Scared Straight! for wannabe teenage baby mamas, the new NBC reality TV show "The Baby Borrowers" tries to frighten the beejezuz out of young kids by showing them the ugly side of life in the diaper lane. Most everybody has heard about this show by now, but if you haven't, here's a quick recap: Five couples, ages 18 to 20, are put on the fast track of parenthood, starting with a real baby. They go on to...read more...
The cast of "The Baby Borrowers."When Hubby is Stray-Rod | Moms Miami When Hubby is Stray-Rod
Looks like Cynthia Rodriguez finally woke up and smelled the café con leche. A quick recap for those who haven’t been able to read this week’s celeb porn rags around the pool: A-Rod is now supposedly hitting it out of the ballpark with Madonna. (Prepare yourself for the "Mad-Rod" headlines.) Wife Cynthia, who became pregnant last year just months after hubby Alex was linked to an exotic dancer from...read more...Posted on: Jul 8 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Cynthia Rodriguez with her soon-to-be ex, Alex Rodriguez. The confused boy thinks marriage vows can be as easily broken as baseball records.Peace, Baby | Moms Miami Peace, Baby
You’ve got to hand it to the Spaniards. While peace signs proliferate on clothing and jewelry here in the States, the country of Spain issued the best non-commercial statement for peace when its new Minister of Defense emerged to inspect her troops in a maternity top, seven months pregnant. Carme Chacón Piqueras, who recently gave birth to her son Miquel, is the first woman to head Spain’s armed forces. She's...read more...Posted on: Jul 1 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
Spain's Minister of Defense, Carme Chacón Piqueras, two months shy of giving birth, inspects her troops.R U a Baby Mama? | Moms Miami R U a Baby Mama?
Once a put-down, then a song title, now a movie, the moniker "Baby Mama" sent politicos scrambling for their urban dictionaries after Fox News called Michelle Obama one in an on-screen graphic this month. Although a Fox senior veep later excused the move as "poor judgment," many people saw it as a racist slap or downright inaccurate. (Which it was on both counts, if you ask me, considering the source.) For the...read more...
What Mommy Wars? | Moms Miami What Mommy Wars?
I’m not the first one who thinks reality TV is an oxymoron, but TLC’s reality show, "The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom" (http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/soccer-moms/soccer-moms.html) promoted the biggest lie. If you didn’t waste your time watching this one-hour show, which recently ended its first season, here was the premise: An ordinary stay-at-home mom was given the chance to see what her life could...read more...
Jonas Brothers, part II: Coming to your daughter's bedroom | Moms Miami Jonas Brothers, part II: Coming to your daughter's bedroom
This was too delicious to resist: A company called Delta Children's Products has come out with a new line of Jonas Brothers/Camp Rock licensed room gear and -- I am not making this up -- the press release for it says "...fans will be able to bring the excitement of the Jonas Brothers to their very own room.'' As if every, red-blooded, pre-teen girl hasn't already brought the excitement of the Jonas...read more...
JoBros: Promises, Promises | Moms Miami JoBros: Promises, Promises
Am I the only cynical mom who thinks the Jonas Brothers’ public virginity vow is an alarming bunch of boy band crap? As the mother of two daughters, I find this Disney G-rated marketing scheme a bit troubling. I’m prepared to equip my pre-adolescent girls with a bullshit meter for the obvious ploys used by hot-blooded boys since the beginning of time. But how do you train them to see through the pure-as-snow job coming...read more...
If life is a joke, MotherHood is the punch line | Moms Miami If life is a joke, MotherHood is the punch line
Finally, a leak in the June Cleaver conspiracy. There’s bitchy, edgy mom fun on the Net and it’s a helluva lot more scintillating than packing your kid’s lunchbox at 6 a.m. It’s called In The MotherHood ( http://www.inthemotherhood.com ). The snarky web TV site airs three- to five-minute video clips based on real tales of less-than-perfect mommy moments: supermarket meltdowns, public displays of naughty...read more...Posted on: Jun 3 2008 - 06:00:00 AM
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