My husband and I separated about four months ago, but it's really only been this past month that I've been going out. It’s been a strange month. Early on, I was talking with some people I’d met and conversation got personal. I found myself telling my story to perfect strangers for the very first time. And what a bizarre experience it was. I’m used to seeing people’s faces distort when they hear I have three children. But, in this case, there was a cute boy involved. In other words, I actually cared that he flinched when he realized I had three kids.

Just a couple of weeks ago, my best friend accompanied me to a local bar so I could watch the UM game with some fellow fans. Towards the end of the game, we were approached by two young men. This time, they were simply not our type. I remembered the I Have Kids Effect and somehow found a way to mention that in our conversation. It wasn’t five minutes before they bolted out the door. I think showing them pictures was the nail in the coffin.

I’m not looking to date right now. I’m enjoying being on my own and healing the myriad of wounds dealt the past seven years. In the back of my head though I know that I’ll be dating again one day. And that I’ll be a single mother of three doing so. At first, I really thought of this as a major setback.

You have time restrictions for instance. Not only that, but can you imagine the boy toy you’ve been flirting with calls you at about 7 in the evening when your children are running amok after dinner? I can think of a million incidents where I was on the phone with someone to suddenly be interrupted by a piercing scream and bawling and my exclaiming “Oh my god what did you do!?” and  then telling the now horrified caller on the other line “I can’t talk. Gotta go.” Click. Yeah, that’s sexy.

Then, something happened. It dawned on me that the kid thing, it’s pretty helpful. If you can’t handle the fact that I have three kids, you have no chance with me as a person. While three kids is pretty intimidating and hurricane-like, I can assure you that I am a lot more to handle sweetheart. I tend to know exactly what I want, when I want it, why I want it, and how I'm going to get it; and god save your pretty soul if you try and stop me. At least you can distract a three year old with a cookie.

God knows there are lots of people out there scheming on how they can use their kids to their advantage (oh, Balloon Boy!). I am trying to make an argument for looking at dating with children as helpful. If you’re on the fence about some guy, don’t waste any more time—mention your kids. If he takes off running, you just pulled off a bunch of petals from the "Loves Me", "Loves Me Not" flower.

Of course, not all of them will run. If he sticks around, you're not automatically off the hook though; you just know you're not dealing with a total pansy!