jennyfromtheblog - Profile | Pictures | Blog
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User: jennyfromtheblog
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Joined: Feb 25 2009 - 02:10:40 PM
Last Visit: Sep 2 2010 - 10:32:01 AM
Website: http://www.suburbanjungle.net
I am a: Work-at-home parent
My work and family: Jenny Isenman is a freelance humor writer, wiper of tushies, noses, and countertops... not in that order. She has two beautiful, amazing, perfect children who always do and say the right things. Her work is featured in the new book C://MOM Run (sidesplitting essays from the worlds most harried mommy bloggers) She has written for local and national magazines and is a writer for multiple sites. She is also the new Parenting Correspondent for NBC Miami's South Florida Today show.
Bio/Interests: I like long walks on the beach. Watching the sunrise and my website: http://www.thesuburbanjungle.com (The world's most hilarious observational humor blog) -
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Are You a Neurotic Mom? I May Have You Beat | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Are You a Neurotic Mom? I May Have You Beat
Are you a worrier or an easy goer? Does it pay to be one or the other? On a summer trip to Hilton Head, SC I realized that I may actually be the most neurotic mom on the planet. I first noticed this when we were at the park and children where climbing to the top limbs of these winding ancient oaks. In Florida, we don’t have many climbing trees, unless you have the ability to shimmy up a palm. Growing...read more...5 Tips to Deal with Back-to-School Separation Anxiety | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog 5 Tips to Deal with Back-to-School Separation Anxiety
It’s such a horrible experience. You feel like you're torturing your child and yourself and the whole time you’re asking, “For what?” For three hours of freedom, which you’re going to spend worried and upset? Usually, separation anxiety happens when children are in preschool, which means... it's kinda not mandatory. But, let's be honest, the socialization is great...read more...
I'm Officially a Desperate Housewife | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog I'm Officially a Desperate Housewife
AKA Don't Ogle the Swim Instructor, Unless he Teached Your Child How to Swim. My five year old little flower, has a tendency to be a bit… Valley Girl. I don’t know if it’s all the Bratz movies influencing her to make phone calls that start with OMG and end with TTYL, but it’s something. I certainly don’t handle calls to my friends that way, though I did tend...read more...Trying to Cancel a Gym Membership is No Easy Task | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Trying to Cancel a Gym Membership is No Easy Task
Why is it so Hard to Cancel a Gym Membership When it's so easy not to use it? In light of the recent findings that say women must workout 1 hour per day, I’ve decided to revamp my workout schedule. First on the list… Leave the Athletic Club, which I have not used in a year…then use the money I’m saving to buy bigger clothes. Today, I spent my hour of workout time...read more...Women Need to Workout One Hour Per Day to Maintain their Weight... WHAT? | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Women Need to Workout One Hour Per Day to Maintain their Weight... WHAT?
-Like us moms don’t already have enough to do. A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association claims that women will gain weight with age unless they lower their caloric intake or get in a hefty 6o MINUTES of exercise EACH DAY! Are they serious? 60 minutes to maintain? Let’s talk about the word maintain, because they’re certainly not talking about...read more...I Need South Florida Moms to Help Me Fight Child Hunger | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog I Need South Florida Moms to Help Me Fight Child Hunger
Please take a minute to check out the cause and let me know if you'd be willing to help out. I’ve always been amazed at how moms manage to find the time to take on a cause. My compassionate side is always willing to l end a hand, but then once I’ve put myself on some committee or said “Yes” to the umpteenth request to help out, I end up feeling resentful. Between being a WAHM (work...read more...Minutia Mom -The World's Awesomest Superhero | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Minutia Mom -The World's Awesomest Superhero
Every mom's a superhero. It's often a thankless job, so here's a hilarious look at all we do. Give yourself a pat on the back! It has recently dawned on me that somewhere along the way, my sense of accomplishment became a product of my ability to be a good homemaker. The creative energies I once used to design jewelry and dress celebs are now spent trying to build intricate...read more...Posted on: Feb 19 2010 - 07:15:00 AMWhy You Should Never Ask Someone When They’re Due, Even if They’re at a Lamaze Class | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Why You Should Never Ask Someone When They’re Due, Even if They’re at a Lamaze Class
Today I learned how quickly you can turn a friend into an enemy. Sure, the obvious ways are rather simple: run up to them tap them on the shoulder and when they turn around give ‘em a pop in the kisser. Insult their cooking, their attire or worst, tell them how they should raise their children. Those are no-brainers, if you’re in the market to lose a friend. They’re also...read more...Because I Said So, That's Why | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Because I Said So, That's Why
The phrase we use when we're losing the argument with our children. If only I knew then what I know now. As a child, I too encountered the dreaded “Because I Said So.” It was usually yelled in frustration or hissed between clenched teeth. No matter what the method of delivery, it signified the end of the discussion. I remember wondering, what exactly does that mean and why is that a...read more...My Wakeup Call that the Economy is Officially Kicking my Ass | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog My Wakeup Call that the Economy is Officially Kicking my Ass
I think I may have missed some of the tell tale signs, but better late than never! This is for people who have a sense of humor a sense of irony and a light wallet. On Monday morning while half asleep and lying in bed, I reached for the remote, as I do every morning before my daughter wakes up and begs to play “Barbies.” I gently squeezed the “ON” button and received a wakeup...read more...
10 Resolutions I Can Actually Keep | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog 10 Resolutions I Can Actually Keep
I've decided to throw out those trite, beneficial resolutions in favor of some really crappy ones. They may not be great, but I'll feel gratified in keeping them, that has to be worth something... right? If you enjoy my writing please pass the blog or articles on to friends! Since taking on more freelance work, my blog has been suffering. I would love to get my numbers back up...read more...How to Survive Holiday Visitors | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog How to Survive Holiday Visitors
So, the holidays are upon us. Christmas has just passed and visitors are abundant, but their welcome is wearing thin. I know, we all look forward to this time of year, but often in the midst of it, we realize the heavy meals have expanded our waist lines and our relatives have stretched our patience. In-laws can be the toughest during the holiday season. I’m not talking about mine; they’re...read more...
Can A Nice Jewish Girl Sit On Santa's Lap Without Being A Ho Ho Ho? | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Can A Nice Jewish Girl Sit On Santa's Lap Without Being A Ho Ho Ho?
A frustrated Jewish mom takes her grievances up with the Jolly man, himself!...read more...I Slept with Tiger -- and I may not be the only one! | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog I Slept with Tiger -- and I may not be the only one!
OMG, I have to tell you guys something. I often turn to my iCarly diary with my darkest secrets, but this one is just too juicy. Here goes… I slept with Tiger Woods. You guys are probably freaking out, as Tiger’s reputation has been sooo perfect up until now. Let me be the first to tell you, he’s not the squeaky clean Jonas Brother, he pretends to be. Our affair was...read more...
cheating, parenting, marriage, relationships, humor,Total Humilation on the Roller Rink, circa 1984 | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Total Humilation on the Roller Rink, circa 1984
One of those incedents that's horrible to have and hilarious to read about. You know when you’re feeling a little big for your britches? (Using that phrase alone should nullify anything I’m about to say.) Then you get a flashback, a glimpse of some past experience that is earth shatteringly embarrassing and the universe puts you right back in your place? Well, here I am trying to...read more...The First Annual Toony Awards | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog The First Annual Toony Awards
A hilarious article for the moms who spend time in front of the Disney Channel, Nick Jr., and Access Hollywood. Leo: “Hello I’m Leo here with June of the Little Einstein’s and welcome to the Red Carpet for the annual Toony Awards. Unfortunately, my sister Annie is with Rocket and Cooper Anderson in the Gobi Desert. I’m told they’re singing baba waba Osama to Beethoven’s 9 th , in...read more...
This Mothering Stuff is Tough -Have you ever blown your lid? | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog This Mothering Stuff is Tough -Have you ever blown your lid?
Have you ever lost it with your kids? Sometimes I feel like a bottle of seltzer, I keep all the frustration bottled up... What happens when that bottle is agitated too much? I have something to tell you; please don’t spread it around, as it’s somewhat of a secret. I screamed “shut up” at my son today. “SHUT UP!” not “shush” or “sshhhhh” or even...read more...My Gecko is Cleaner Than Your Gecko | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog My Gecko is Cleaner Than Your Gecko
"As it turns out living in Florida is like living in a remake of Jurassic Park, on a smaller scale." Alright, please don’t take that as a sexual reference, it means exactly what it says. My gecko is cleaner than yours… so, don’t challenge him to a clean competition, ‘cause he’ll win. As it turns out living in Florida is like living in a remake of Jurassic Park, on a...read more...The Most Common Personalities on Facebook | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog The Most Common Personalities on Facebook
Do you know one of these people? Maybe you are one of them. I’m not gonna name names, as I would certainly be one of them, but there are distinct qualities that describe most Facebookers. Yes, the FUNNY Jenny from the Blog is Baaack. Enjoy! The Over Sharer -This person seems to think that a trip to the store, a traffic jam, or the weather is worth repeating. They give updates like a minute to...read more...Safety issue: Texting and Driving, what you should know. | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Safety issue: Texting and Driving, what you should know.
The trendiness in texting and the advancements in technology certainly have some pitfalls. Yesterday I was asked to write an article in response to the PSA after it was discussed on the Today Show. Today my article was the “Top Story” at iVillage.com. After writing the piece my head began to spin. The horrific images, seared in my brain, highlighted the scary statistics I reported....read more...iCan’t iStand the iApple Store | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog iCan’t iStand the iApple Store
Today I took my first trip to the Apple store. Oh, the Apple store. Like it’s namesake in the Garden of Eden, or in the hands of Snow White’s evil stepmother, it was so inviting and enticing. There it was, in all of its overcrowded, minimalistic splendor. People were taking courses on their iMacs, downloading apps on their iPhones, and buying $500 earbuds for their iPods. They were opening their iWallets...read more...Gag Me With a Vitamin? | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Gag Me With a Vitamin?
Like an episode of Three’s Company, I am the brunt of the embarrassing misunderstanding. Enjoy the awkwardness. I went into the vitamin store today where a lovely couple owns the shop. They know me, my concerns, my usual products, etc… My biggest issue is that I cannot swallow pills. I have forced myself to swallow some pretty disgusting stuff (I know, that’s what she said.) in avoidance of...read more...I Vant to Bite Jour Neck and Suck Jour Blood, Blaaah. | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog I Vant to Bite Jour Neck and Suck Jour Blood, Blaaah.
Between Twilight and True Blood, it seems everyone is obsessed with a vampire. As a 30 something mom, I am no exception! So, I am reading the Twilight series. I’m sorry did I say reading, I meant obsessed with as in, would be a stalker of the main character if he were not A) A Vampire B) Fictional. Not exactly in that order. What this says about me is that I am mentally stuck...read more...Innocent or Not, I'm Guilty | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Innocent or Not, I'm Guilty
Do you ever feel guilty about leaving your kids to have some "Me Time?" I went out shopping with my mom the other day and I felt guilty, not because I was breaking my necessary self-imposed shopping ban, but because I had left my kids. I had left them not with a babysitter, but with my husband. They were not doing child labor; they were simply going to a movie. I couldn’t pinpoint the cause of the feeling I...read more...Mommy, Where Do Babies Come From? | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Mommy, Where Do Babies Come From?
There are certain phrases that you imagine hearing, years before they may ever be spoken. As an adolescent, you dream of those three little words “I Love You,” being said with something other than a familial connotation. You envision the intoxicating “I do,” and long for the significant, “Congratulations, it’s a ( put sex here ).” The phrase I heard today didn’t...read more...Finding Fun For Free This Summer In South Florida | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Finding Fun For Free This Summer In South Florida
Last week I received a call about doing a tips segment for CBS4 Miami/Ft Lauderdale as an “Expert Mom.” Here is the segment. ENJOY! I hope you have a great summer and find the suggestions useful. Click this link: Summer on a budget. Click on the right to watch the segment.read more...Not Flossing Could Kill You! REALLY. | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Not Flossing Could Kill You! REALLY.
When did flossing start getting so much press? Now, when I skip flossing (nightly) I have to recalculate my life-span. In case I have not made it clear I am a serious hypochondriac, but can’t seem to find the time to worry. That may be a good thing. Unfortunately, I also don’t often find the time to shower, eat, or have an intellectual conversation with my husband (that might not be a time thing)....read more...Posted on: Jul 22 2009 - 01:10:00 PM
Goodbye Disney, Hello Backyard! | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Goodbye Disney, Hello Backyard!
Due to the economy I was forced to write a scathing letter to Mickey... Mouse that is. Dear Mickey, Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think we need to take a break. Sure, I love the way you and your friends with oversized heads eat breakfast with my family and entertain us with your theme parks, but you ask for so much in return. I pay a near fortune to see you, then you woo my daughter into expensive...read more...Are You Stupider After Having Children? I's Be Too. | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Are You Stupider After Having Children? I's Be Too.
I had a much harder time losing the baby weight than the brain cells, they just melted away. If you are anything like me you feel like a teenager most of the time… maturity wise. I am certainly not a teenager in the sense of stamina, agility, or intelligence. G-d knows I was a hell of a lot speedier, stretchier, and smarter at 18 than I am today. I have no recall of history, math,...read more...My Step-Mother Offered My Children Recreational Drugs *must read for Moms | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog My Step-Mother Offered My Children Recreational Drugs *must read for Moms
(Oops! True story. As neurotic as I am, I couldn't have dreamed this one up..and I worry about some pretty far-fetched stuff.) While finding the irony in the situation, the neurotic part of me still gets a pit thinking about it. My children had a sleep over at my Father and Step Mother’s house this weekend. Like any overly anxious mom, I am not capable of total relaxation when they are away because I am...read more...Sex Or Oven Cleaning? (That is the question) | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Sex Or Oven Cleaning? (That is the question)
After a trendy "Sex-toy" party one wife realizes she'd rather clean her oven. Last night I went to a sex toy party, which one of my friends was co-hosting. Upon entering, I was quickly introduced to the “Sexpert.” “Jenny this is Julie, she is a penis expert.” “That’s funny. I’m somewhat of a penis expert myself,” I said, buffing my nails...read more...
Mothering By The Seat Of My Pants | Moms Miami //MomsMiami.com Member: jennyfromtheblog Mothering By The Seat Of My Pants
I spend much of my time in disbelief that I am the mom of two amazing kids, because I often feel like a kid myself. How did this happen? When did this happen? Just yesterday I was getting my license, graduating college, moving to my first apartment... and somehow I am an adult with a home and children. Children that come to me in the middle of the night with growing pains, and nightmares looking to be comforted. I’m...read more...
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