http://www.momsmiami.com/xmlblog.php?u=2638 Blog for mama sass en-us Tue, 09 Feb 2010 06:00:00 EST Feb 9 2010 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2704 Lyk OMG, sheez a TWEEN!!!!! My oldest daughter turns 11 today, which officially makes her a Tweener, that in-between stage that is not a grade-schooler, not a teen – and not at all predictable. Too old for toys, too young for boys, right? People cringe when I tell them this, as if I’m about to climb on the water board of parenting. But I think tweens get a bad rap. Sure, in mob-sized portions they can be terribly shrill, silly and vulnerable to cheap marketing tricks. Their music generally sucks. They... Tue, 02 Feb 2010 06:00:00 EST Feb 2 2010 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2686 I’m not one of those women who pretends to enjoy watching football. I’m more in the camp of Susan Sontag, who reportedly said, "Watch the Super Bowl? I’d rather be dead in a ditch." Sontag got her wish six years ago, but I’m still stuck with Super Yawn Sunday. I know, shame on me. I’m perpetuating the sexist view that chicks are anti-sports and too ditzy to get the complicated game. Frankly, I find the slew of "how to enjoy the game with your man" stories in all... Tue, 26 Jan 2010 06:00:00 EST Jan 26 2010 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2672 I don’t mean to be flip about sexual addiction – who knows if it's a real medical condition or simply a convenient excuse – but why is that guys like Wilt Chamberlain and Derek Jeter can sleep around all they want and be considered healthy, hot-blooded males while married guys who do the same thing are diagnosed and sent to a clinic? I’m talking, of course, about Tiger Woods and the latest unconfirmed reports that he’s checked himself into a rehab center in Mississippi... Tue, 19 Jan 2010 06:00:00 EST Jan 19 2010 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2658 Cold weather? A sick child? Natural disasters? Please, somebody, get me a pot roast to make it all better. I have turned into a slow-roasting, pot-pie-making, soup-stirring fiend this month. First it was the cold snap, which had me home-cooking vegetables, roasts and soups low and long in my oven, on my stove and in my crockpot. Then came Haiti’s earthquake. The first thing I wanted to do – after finding a safe, loving home for every one of those children pulled from the rubble – was cook them a... Tue, 12 Jan 2010 06:00:00 EST Jan 12 2010 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2635 "Mom, I look stupid! I am not wearing this. You are ruining my life!" There’s something about weather that brings mother-daughter clothing conflicts to a head. All of this seems vaguely familiar, despite my best intentions to not turn into my mother. I can’t believe this child thinks I’m destroying her fifth-grade social life by making her wear long sleeves and sweatpants. That’s nothing compared to the plastic bread bags my mother made me wear. It’s true. My mom would... Tue, 05 Jan 2010 06:00:00 EST Jan 5 2010 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2616 As I was picking up the dental floss picks that my husband leaves on the bathroom floor, I had a thought the other morning: What if marriage had an expiration date? Is any relationship meant to last forever? I mean, if Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins can’t make it work after 23 years and two kids, can any of us? There was a lot of discussion in 2009 about who should and shouldn’t be married. But, gay or straight, the real question for me is whether any of us should be walking down the aisle for... Tue, 29 Dec 2009 06:00:00 EST Dec 29 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2600 All this talk about the 00’s being the Decade Best Forgotten makes me sad. There’s no denying it’s been rotten. Book-ended by 9-11 and the recession, with a god-awful war in between, it’s been one wallop after another the past 10 years. But I’m trying to find some good in it. Don’t get me wrong. I love wallowing in my misery as much as any other overworked, underpaid, scared-to-death woman on the street. And yet … what troubles me is that the first 10 years of my... Tue, 22 Dec 2009 06:00:00 EST Dec 22 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2583 How a book by a quirky English writer reminded me of what I like about being a mom. I just finished reading Nick Hornby's new book, Juliet, Naked , which was like eating generic freezer-case cheesecake: It filled the anticipatory void in my stomach, but left me annoyed over the unremarkable waste of calories. Hornby's three aimless characters are so consumed with self-pity and the waste of their passive lives that I struggled to feel empathy. I know that's Hornby's shtick .... Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:50:00 EST Dec 17 2009 - 06:50:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2578 Since posting my blog about Elf on the Shelf earlier this week, I have had a bunch of clever moms contact me with their mischief-making ideas. So I'm starting a running list of not-so-messy messes that elves can leave every morning. (We elf-loving moms need all the help we can get.) I noticed my youngest daughter and about four other girls in her class gathering each morning and swapping stories about what their elves did. (They're probably saying, "Guess what my crazy mom did... Tue, 15 Dec 2009 06:00:00 EST Dec 15 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2568 For the past week, I have stayed up way past my bedtime so I can create a new mess in my house each night and hide an elf. Since we bought Elf on the Shelf at a school bookfair earlier this month, it has been my duty to impersonate "Elfis," who supposedly reports back to Santa each night and plays mischievous tricks on children in the household. I’ve heard that in some homes the elf even leaves a gift or treat each night, but our elf experienced a pay cut and furlough this year, so he just... Tue, 08 Dec 2009 06:00:00 EST Dec 8 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2548 How do you deal with that irrational, sometimes-violent behavior that threatens to ruin the holidays? No, not your toddler’s temper tantrums. I’m talking about the irrepressible, irrational urge that overtakes parents this time of year, when the must-have Christmas toys beckon and the bare-shelf blues set in. The gotta-have-it toy race is on. Have you missed the starting gun? Right now, I’m using all my willpower to resist thinking about MindFlex. This is a new Mattel mental acuity game with a... Tue, 01 Dec 2009 06:00:00 EST Dec 1 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2524 Tiger Woods’ wife is learning one of the golden rules of celebrity marriage: People who live in glass houses should not swing golf clubs at their husbands. OK, we can’t be 101 percent sure that Elin Woods was chasing down her husband with a golf club. But every wife in America knows that hell hath no fury like a woman wielding a wedge. There's good reason why the No. 1 golfer finally drove worse than Phil Mickelson early Friday morning, plowing his 2009 Cadillac Escalade into a fire hydrant and a... Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:00:00 EST Nov 24 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2514 The media has spent a lot of time focusing on women’s lower extremities lately and how they cover them. Pants, breeches, bloomers, trousers – call them what you want, but the world continues to have issues with women who don’t wear skirts. In the Sudan, reporters are still following the tale of a female Muslim journalist dubbed "trouser lady" after she was sentenced to a public flogging earlier this year as punishment for violating Islamic decency laws by wearing pants. (Her punishment... Tue, 17 Nov 2009 06:00:00 EST Nov 17 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2482 Lining your child up for a flu vaccine could be the most humanitarian gesture you make this holiday season. You can drag your kids to all the soup kitchens, homeless shelters and Habitat for Humanity projects you want, but the biggest, most selfless act of kindess you can teach them is to stick out their arm or nose and get a shot or blast of the H1N1 immunization. It’s free – and it more than likely will save the life of another person. That’s because if you aren’t immunized and you get... Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:00:00 EST Nov 10 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2465 Rarely does a day go by that my kids don’t stump me with a sticky question. About a week ago, as I ran around the house turning the clocks back for the end of daylight savings time, my 9-year-old looked up from her Barbies and said, "Mom, what time did the world start?" When I’m in Good Mom Mode, I usually struggle for a smart, authoritative answer. This was easy when they were younger and they threw softballs at me like "Why do I have to go to bed?" Back then, it was just a matter... Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:00:00 EST Nov 3 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2421 Last week, Southwest Airlines kicked a mom and her noisy two-year-old off a flight from Texas to California because the boy was screaming "Go, plane! Go!" and "I want Daddy!" repeatedly while the jet waited in line for takeoff. Since then, the flying public has squared off in the blogosphere into two distinct factions: The child-haters who would prefer to have crying toddlers stored with baggage in the belly of the plane and the breeders who over-indulge their offspring and can’t imagine... Tue, 27 Oct 2009 06:00:00 EST Oct 27 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2400 I just read something that makes me want to scream. A story in the New York Times takes today’s parents to task for yelling too much at their kids. Child psychologists call screaming the new "spanking." To which my reply is: !*&$#@???+!!!!!? It seems that despite our best parenting intentions – all those child-rearing books we’ve read, all those healthy lunches we’ve packed, all those times we’ve resisted the urge to belt our kids across the room – we are... Tue, 20 Oct 2009 06:00:00 EST Oct 20 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2380 Beware the Ides of March? Forget that. What I fear now is October and this unexplained sudden outbreak of offspring betraying parents. First, the son of New York society maven Brooke Astor was convicted on charges that he defrauded his mother and stole tens of millions of dollars from her as she suffered from Alzheimer’s near the end of her life. Then, here in Florida, the Broward County mayor turned her back on her politician father and endorsed his opponent in the race for mayor of Tamarac, prompting... Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:00:00 EST Oct 13 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2349 Sometimes I look back at my school photos and wonder, "What was mom thinking?" There’s the one from second grade, where the big red ball on my ponytail holder is perched atop my head like a giant red cherry crowning a hairy ice cream sundae. There’s the one from third grade where I look like I just rolled out of bed. And why didn’t she put her foot down when I walked out of the house on the day of my high school sophomore class photo, with my bangs fashioned into wings so hairspray-stiff... Tue, 06 Oct 2009 06:00:00 EST Oct 6 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2336 Should parents do time for tattooing their kids? Most people would agree that parents should be locked up if they physically abuse or punish their children to the extent of leaving marks on the body. But what about tats? No longer taboo in our culture, tattoos still aren’t OK by law in most states on kids under 18. In California, where a father is being charged for tattooing his 7-year-old son, the dad is facing a seven-year prison sentenced for cruel and inhumane treatment of a child. Originally, the... Tue, 29 Sep 2009 06:00:00 EST Sep 29 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2315 I’ve always been a bit squirmy about the high prices and accumulation of unnecessary objects propagated by the American Girl Doll Empire, those eerie, look-alike dolls coveted by every girl under the age of 9. The one saving grace for me was the history lesson-book that accompanies most of them. But I do think owner Mattel has pushed its AG branding gimmicks too far with its latest "limited edition" homeless doll. The doll – née Gwen Thompson, school chum to this year’s... Tue, 22 Sep 2009 06:00:00 EST Sep 22 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2293 Do you remember the first time you were ma’am-ed? I do. I was standing in line to use a bank machine at a rest stop on the Florida Turnpike. I was in my late 30s and a cute, college-age guy walked up and dropped the m-bomb on me. "Excuse me, ma’am, are you in line?" I was stunned. In ma’am shock. Here I was thinking about how well he filled out those jeans and all he was thinking about was how long he had to wait while the old dame fumbled with her ATM card. Suddenly, I was thrust... Tue, 15 Sep 2009 06:00:00 EST Sep 15 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2267 I coach a girls’ soccer team and they’re a smart group of 9-year-olds, but every year I have to drill the same simple rule into them: Do not argue with the ref. It’s basic sportsmanship. The ref is always right. Not only does he or she have the sole power and best vantage point for making calls, but bowing to his or her authority is the only way to maintain order in a game. You may not like the decision, but it’s disrespectful (and a losing battle) to insult or challenge game officials.... Tue, 08 Sep 2009 06:00:00 EST Sep 8 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2254 Today at noon the President of the United States will speak to schoolchildren about the importance of working hard and the value of a good education. Will your child be watching? Personally, I’m thrilled that Obama wants to deliver this message. As most moms know, we could say the same thing over and over until we’re blue in the face and it wouldn’t carry the same weight or make the same impression on our kids as it does coming from a teacher, a coach or the leader of this country. But nothing... Tue, 01 Sep 2009 06:00:00 EST Sep 1 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2232 With my little DNA particles back in school, that means I now have time to have that second cup of coffee in peace, read the entire newspaper and finally shave my legs in the morning. But the best thing about being alone in the house again is that I can start purging all the crap in my daughters’ bedroom. Yes, I am a murderer of toys. With my unsuspecting daughters sitting in class, I can be as brazen as I want, filling 39-gallon Hefty lawn bags with broken Barbies, Lite Brite pegs, Leap Frog... Tue, 25 Aug 2009 06:00:00 EST Aug 25 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2203 Feel it in the air? OK, that’s probably a hurricane breeze, but there’s a definite change in the tempo out there. Our summer is ending. Or course it's not official until the end of September. But school has started and, before you know it, we’ll be sweating in our Halloween costumes. I love the fall, but I can’t help feeling wistful as summer wanes and I long for one more homework-less night, one more morning without an alarm clock, one more day running barefoot across the hot sand.... Tue, 18 Aug 2009 06:00:00 EST Aug 18 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2183 I was 4 when Woodstock happened. And I haven’t stopped hearing about it since. Really, ever since Time magazine declared the Baby Boom Generation its "Man of the Year" in 1967, I haven’t been able to escape this demographic bulge that keeps reminding me what a great time they had, how special they are, how fearless, how impressive, how trend-setting… How meaningless life is for those born after 1964. As a January 1965 baby, I was one month shy of catching the love train.... Tue, 11 Aug 2009 06:00:00 EST Aug 11 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2155 One of the first things I did when I read that John Hughes had died of a heart attack at age 59 last week was go to my Blockbuster online queue and add The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles to the top of my mailing list. I’ve been subjecting my daughters to ’80s movies all summer and I figured this was a sign that they were ready to move into the teen angst genre. I didn’t realize that I wasn’t. It’s been about 25 years since these movies were made. I’ve grown up,... Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:00:00 EST Aug 4 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2129 I’ve heard a lot of tsk-tsking lately about pornography going mainstream, that our kids are growing up all confused and twisted in this hyper-sexualized environment we’ve created. They say we’ve reached a cultural tipping point, where everyday porn has seeped so deeply into the fabric of mainstream culture that it’s no longer seen as a stain. First, there was Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner and his three bunnies swinging (albeit limply) on TV with The Girls Next Door . Then came... Tue, 28 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EST Jul 28 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2092 I must have sensed someone was standing there when I opened my eyes around 3 a.m. recently and found my 9-year-old daughter hovering silently over my bed. I have to admit, for a split second, she scared the bejeezus out of me. Then, "Mama, can I sleep with you?" I let her slide in between the covers and thought to myself, "Whew, I have not given birth to the Bad Seed, after all." I don’t care how much you tell me you love your child, every parent has a latent, little fear that... Tue, 21 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EST Jul 21 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2080 U.S. Supreme Court Justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor recently cited childhood days spent watching Perry Mason on TV as her inspiration for becoming a judge. Which makes me wonder what TV character will someday inspire my kids? Zack and Cody? Hannah Montana? Carly from iCarly? God help the highest court in the land if it has to rely on this generation of TV viewers to fill its ranks in 50 years. The truth is there aren’t many characters on children’s television who possess any redeeming qualities.... Tue, 14 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EST Jul 14 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2045 Nothing – not even the messiness of giving birth – can prepare you for the grossness of being a mom. Take for instance the photo above. This is a promotional pic for an actual product called the NoseFrida super-baby-snot-sucker. And, yes, it’s a tube that enables mom to inhale mucus straight out of an infant’s clogged nose. Real moms don’t think "blek" when they look at this; they think, "Ah, now why didn’t I think of that?!" Babies leak from both ends,... Tue, 07 Jul 2009 06:00:00 EST Jul 7 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2026 Sure, I find the idea of wearing a burka oppressive and sexist. That’s pretty much what I think about the five-inch heels and micro-minis I see on the streets of Miami, too. I wouldn’t wear either get-up. But that’s my choice. French President Nicolas Sarkozy used a feminist argument when he announced plans last month to ban the burka in France. The all-enveloping gown is degrading to women, he said to wild applause at Versailles. Burka-wearing females are "prisoners behind a screen, cut off... Tue, 30 Jun 2009 06:00:00 EST Jun 30 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=2003 This Saturday is the Fourth of July, a day in which we’ll mark our country’s 233 years of independence from Great Britain. Celebrate it by giving your kid a little freedom. Take it from this recovering hover mom who still has trouble cutting the cord. I know it’s not easy with Nancy Grace screaming out of the TV about the disappeared child du jour , but teaching your son or daughter to be independent is the best gift you can give. In this age of babyproofed homes, nanny cams and child leashes,... Tue, 23 Jun 2009 06:00:00 EST Jun 23 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1980 Let’s calm down for a moment. Or, as I like to whisper to my kids when they become wild and irrational, tranquila, tranquila. In the past few weeks, with dozens of cat carcasses littering South Dade, there have been several illogical leaps of logic. That’s understandable. Nobody likes to find her pet mutilated on the front lawn. Still, it seems a bit unfair that the jury of public opinion has been quick to not only convict accused cat killer Tyler Weinman of animal cruelty, but also... Tue, 16 Jun 2009 06:00:00 EST Jun 16 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1954 You might want to put your breakfast bacon down before reading this. Even though I never saw my placenta and my husband, who did, refuses to talk about it, I understand it holds a lot of magic in some distant, primative cultures. It’s not unheard of to bury the afterbirth for good fortune ... or good fertilizer. Even Matthew McConacrazy, who comes from the exotic land of Texas, announced last year that he and his girlfriend planned to bury baby Levi’s placenta under a tree. (My fear would be that... Tue, 09 Jun 2009 06:00:00 EST Jun 9 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1930 Just pooped for the fifth time … ahhhh, slept for 12 hours today – woo hoo! … uh oh, accidentally bit mom while nursing, boy was she mad … Imagine if newborns could Twitter. But wait, they can. Unfortunately, there are now a growing number of social networking websites for babies. These sites – Totspot, LittleGrams, Kidmondo – are like Facebook for babies. Parents create online identities for their kiddies and post journal entries or updates using their little one’s... Tue, 02 Jun 2009 06:00:00 EST Jun 2 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1910 OK, she does seem shrew-like. She snaps at her husband on national television. She’s bossy. She may have even fooled around with her bodyguard. But why is Kate, the better half of TLC’s Monday night reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8, getting such a raw deal from the media? While that lame-o, college-dropout husband of hers wins over public opinion despite his alleged infidelity, tabloid magazine covers are crucifying his strong-willed wife as Mommie Dearest with headlines like INSIDE JON'S... Tue, 26 May 2009 06:00:00 EST May 26 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1887 Was I the only person who didn’t watch the finale of "American Idol" last week? Viewership is actually on the decline, but you wouldn’t know it by the buzz at work and my kids’ school. Although I’m usually too exhausted to turn on the TV most weeknights, and the show thankfully came on after my daughters’ bedtime, I had to pass for other reasons. Namely, that the country’s biggest pop spectacle is a big fat portent of cultural doom. I start to feel morning sickness... Tue, 19 May 2009 06:00:00 EST May 19 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1861 I recently had lunch with a bunch of MFFNs (mom friends for now) and, before long, we had whipped out our iPhones to compare applications. Sharing the latest apps is now the social equivalent to seeking advice on schools or babysitters. It’s taken the iTunes app store awhile to catch on that tech-mamas are probably the customers with the greatest growth potential. What other demographic multitasks as much? Or could use more help? Still, the number of mom-friendly apps is pitifully poor. Sure,... Tue, 12 May 2009 06:00:00 EST May 12 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1835 Anybody who takes a child to the grocery store gets the power of TV marketing. Saw it on the Disney Channel, Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon? Gotta have it. I can tuck something new and healthy into my kids’ lunchboxes, but they don’t consider it cool unless they’ve seen it in a TV ad. I try to give them a shot of healthy skepticism every time I see ads for fast food, candy and unhealthy snacks. I mock ad gimmicks, rolling my eyes with exaggeration at all the tomfoolery so they get the... Tue, 05 May 2009 06:00:00 EST May 5 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1803 It figures that just when the Gringo in me has become totally at ease with the whole cheek kiss thing, along comes a pandemic to put the kibosh on public puckering. It took me years not to freeze like a deer in the headlights when one of my Latin friends swooped into my personal space for the greeting peck. I’ve come to accept that even important and somber discussions must halt so any newcomer to the group can have her turn smooching every single one of us. I’ve even made peace with the serial... Tue, 28 Apr 2009 06:00:00 EST Apr 28 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1782 At the tender age of 8, my daughter has already learned one of the hard facts of female life. There just aren't enough johns in this world. We recently raced a stampede of women to get to the restroom in a big public library only to find a wall of moms and daughters already waiting in a long line for the loo -- praying, crossing their legs and glaring at the men who zipped in and out of their stalls next door. Waiting in line when nature calls is a pisser we all try to avoid, some better than others. Case... Tue, 21 Apr 2009 06:00:00 EST Apr 21 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1756 There’s no beating around the bush on this topic, so I’ll dive right in: Have you noticed that nobody under the age of 40 has pubic hair anymore? We’re talking mass deforestation. Waxing, shaving, sugaring, lasering. It’s no longer just for porn stars. Brazilians and landing strips are passé. It’s all about neatening your nether regions. Pubic hair – for men and women – is so 2007. I have to admit this makes me chuckle a bit. I mean, when I was growing up, this... Tue, 14 Apr 2009 06:05:00 EST Apr 14 2009 - 06:05:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1731 Did you hear about the Saudi man who divorced his wife by text message? In a case of 7th century misogynistic ideology meeting 21st century technology, the man was in Iraq when he sent the SMS informing the woman that her wifely duties were no longer needed. He followed up with a telephone call to two of his relatives, the daily Arab News reported. Apparently, under the strict form of Islamic law practiced in Saudi Arabia, a man can divorce his wife by saying "I divorce you" three times. A court in... Tue, 07 Apr 2009 06:00:00 EST Apr 7 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1709 I had a happy thought about the sucky economy this past week. This might spell the end of the High-Roller Stroller Arms Race. The evil marketing genius who discovered that vulnerable new parents would spend the price of a crappy used car to buy their precious little one a souped-up ride should be trampled and left flattened on the sidewalk by the pimp-my-stroller brigade. These status strollers just get more and more ridiculous. They rank right up there with first-world embarrassments like pet strollers for... Tue, 31 Mar 2009 06:00:00 EST Mar 31 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1693 Lacking cash and patience, I have cooked up a brilliant recession-proof plan for making the most money with the least amount of effort: My backside as a billboard. Notice I said billboard and not bumper sticker. That’s because all this eating on the cheap is widening my ad space. It may not be Juicy, but it’s available. I’m willing to share this arses-for-ads scheme with you, dear friends, because I believe that as moms we offer the best leasing space out there. Think about it. Why should little... Tue, 24 Mar 2009 06:00:00 EST Mar 24 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1657 It was easy to dismiss surrogate motherhood as exploitation when an increasing number of American military wives and impoverished women in India were reportedly turning their bodies into moneymakers last year. Like a scene out of Margaret Atwood’s 1985 novel, The Handmaid’s Tale, some Third World womb workers were signing contracts with their thumbprints because they didn’t know how to read or write. Pretty disturbing. But you can’t blame lack of education for all the Suburban Sues... Tue, 17 Mar 2009 06:00:00 EST Mar 17 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1633 You were probably too busy wiping kids’ butts with your pink slip to note that March 8 was International Women’s Day. However, the moment was not lost on L’Osservatore Romano, the semi-official newspaper of the Vatican, which commented on women’s lib in an editorial that declared the washing machine as the most liberating advancement of the 20th century for women. We’re assuming they weren’t talking about the pleasurable perk of jumping on the machine during the spin... Tue, 10 Mar 2009 06:00:00 EST Mar 10 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1604 By now you’ve probably heard how Mattel is tarting up Dora the Explorer to appeal to a tween audience. Instead of animal friends and adventures, she’ll be a "fashionable" city girl in middle school, with a line of accessories and the ability to do online makeovers. Yours for only $59.99. WTF?! (In the spirit of Dora’s beloved Nick Jr. persona, I tried to find a bilingual equivalent to this expression, but the closest I got, without insulting Dora’s mother, was... Tue, 03 Mar 2009 06:00:00 EST Mar 3 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1575 I thought I had it bad because my husband snores like a jackhammer. Then I read about the poor Coral Springs woman whose husband likes to strangle her in his sleep. File this one under, "You know it’s time for separate bedrooms when …" Alyson Kaplan, 36, told police that she awoke, gasping and feeling pressure on her neck. She heard her husband say, "I'm going to strangle you." This brings new meaning to the old Crystale Gayle song, "Talking in Your Sleep." It... Tue, 24 Feb 2009 06:00:00 EST Feb 24 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1544 I think I’ve hit upon a solution for world hunger and our climbing unemployment rate. Thank Salma Hayek. A film of the voluptuous actress nursing a starving baby in Sierra Leone recently made the rounds on the Internet. Just about everybody has chimed in about the two-minute booby moment, from nursing advocates who applaud Hayek’s aplomb to others who thought it was plain gross to the predictable crowd of gawking men who want to get in line to belly up to Salma’s bosom. Me? All I see is a... Tue, 17 Feb 2009 06:00:00 EST Feb 17 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1515 It started in December, when I was innocently watching the Disturbia DVD. The thriller stars Shia LaBeouf, who I vaguely remembered as the skinny, annoying kid in the Disney Channel series "Even Stevens." Only now Shia is 21, lanky, with a bit of a bad boy lope to his walk. About halfway through the movie, I realized I was thinking a little too hard about young, scruffy Shia. The same age-inappropriate thoughts crossed my mind when I recently saw trailers for Twilight , the new vampire flick... Tue, 10 Feb 2009 06:00:00 EST Feb 10 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1480 Sure, Alex Rodriguez and Michael Phelps are probably pretty glum these days, but it’s parents who seem to be taking these superstars’ falls from grace the hardest. Soon after news broke of A-Rod’s alleged steroid use and Phelps’ documented bong hit, there was an audible collective sigh of disgust from parents everywhere. Where have all the good heroes gone? Why can’t these guys behave like proper role models? What will their adoring, young fans think? Tear down the bedroom... Tue, 03 Feb 2009 06:00:00 EST Feb 3 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1452 Jessica Simpson’s career has taken a big hit recently. Not because she was singing at a chili cook-off in Pembroke Pines or because her meathead football player boyfriend Tony Romo allegedly cheated on her or even because President Obama commented on her "weight problem" on national television before the Super Bowl this past Sunday. No, Jessie is in trouble because she was caught trading in her Daisy Dukes for a pair of – gasp – Mom Jeans. Like fanny packs, mini-vans and quilted... Tue, 27 Jan 2009 06:00:00 EST Jan 27 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1423 The first month of the New Year will expire this Saturday. There’s something magical about January and its ability to make you feel like you can start anew. Makes me think about all the second chances I wish I had, especially as a mother: that sharp comment I’d like to take back, a wiser answer to the important question asked the other day. Everybody wishes they had done at least one thing differently, but I’m convinced that regrets burn a little deeper for moms because we know what power we... Tue, 20 Jan 2009 06:00:00 EST Jan 20 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1389 The students at my daughters’ small Miami school come from all over Latin America, the Caribbean and the United States, with skin tones ranging from caramel to bronze to honey to the paper white of the little red-headed boy who has to spend five minutes applying sunscreen before PE to keep from turning flamingo pink. I love this variety and I love that my kids are growing up with it. Whenever the subject of race comes up, all I have to do is point to their playground to demonstrate that people cannot be... Tue, 13 Jan 2009 06:00:00 EST Jan 13 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1355 Ever since he single-handedly won last week’s Bowl Championship Series title game in Miami for the University of Florida, the seas have been parting for golden boy quarterback Tim Tebow. Newspaper sports writers and ESPN commentators gush over him. Even those homophobic blowhards who spend their days on sports blogs and Internet forums can’t help slapping Tebow’s tight butt with delight. But there’s one devoted following that few have noted. I’m talking about all the Gator moms who... Tue, 06 Jan 2009 06:00:00 EST Jan 6 2009 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1329 I was OK with the school-wide Halloween ban on candy with nuts. I ransacked the shelves at Publix and read the fine print. I even complied with the NO PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES lunch rule in my oldest daughter’s class last year because we were told a kid might have a severe peanut allergy. We got the all-clear this school year. The boy isn't allergic to nuts. Still, the no-nut nonsense continues. In fact, we now have a school-wide rule against any nuts. When a teacher politely handed back my "all... Tue, 30 Dec 2008 06:00:00 EST Dec 30 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1309 This year was marred by a deep, dark recession, but it was also the year of THE MOM. As proof, I present Amy Poehler, who began ’08 playing a Baby Mama in the movies and punctuated the year by practically giving birth for real on SNL’s Weekend Update desk, filling the Presidential Election with big-belly laughs. They may not have all made us proud, but these women definitely did their best to make 2008 the mother of all years: 10. Dara Torres: Her amazing comeback made ripples when the... Tue, 23 Dec 2008 06:00:00 EST Dec 23 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1293 I know this is uncharacteristically optimistic, but my wish for you all on the cusp of 2009 is that you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who is happy. I’ll explain: There’s some scientific backing now to the notion that happiness is contagious. You’ve heard the warning that when you sleep with someone you’re actually having sex with all the people they’ve ever loved before? Well, now scientists think glee is passed along in much the same way. Kind of like getting all... Tue, 16 Dec 2008 06:00:00 EST Dec 16 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1273 Just when you thought you could suck down candy canes, gingerbread men and that Christmas ham without a second thought, the most famous fat chick of all has to come forward and share with the world that, once again, she has chunked up. Of course, since she is our supreme symbol of female power, when Oprah talks, we have to listen. And put down our second plate of ham. In the January 2009 issue of O Magazine, Oprah shares with 16.6 million of her closest friends that she has "fallen off the wagon" of healthy... Tue, 09 Dec 2008 06:00:00 EST Dec 9 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1243 Because we all could use a fresh start, give your hubby the perfect gift this holiday season. Revirginize yourself. Forget about new breasts and Botox, those are for plastic surgery wimps. I’m talking about serious crotch reconstruction, aka "designer vaginas." Hymenoplasty is a four- to six-hour procedure that reattaches a woman’s hymen to make her appear to be a virgin again. Cost: $1,810 to $5,000. "It's the ultimate gift for the man who has everything," one cosmetic surgery... Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:00:00 EST Dec 2 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1212 I know it’s naïve, but I was a little bummed when the Obamas recently chose a pricey private school for Malia, 10, and Sasha, 7. I don’t know, I thought that maybe with a national campaign based on CHANGE, we wouldn’t see a repeat of the not- my -kids syndrome. I’m talking about the rich power elite who "believe" in public schools, but would never think of sending their own children to one. Even with all this talk of change, apparently one thing never does: The deep schism... Tue, 25 Nov 2008 06:00:00 EST Nov 25 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1174 It’s that time again, when good Christians line up before dawn and contemplate the annual question, "What would Jesus buy?" OK, that’s not fair. Debtmas is now celebrated by compulsive shoppers everywhere, one of those holidays that brings all religions, colors and cultures together into one giant Consumers Gone Wild mosh pit. This year, the thrill of the chase promises to be even more thrilling. In addition to being sleep deprived and suffering from GI disorders brought on by eating too... Tue, 18 Nov 2008 06:00:00 EST Nov 18 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1153 A lot has been written about what Barack Obama’s election symbolizes. For sure, Obama’s ascent as U.S. Prez spells victory for many: African Americans, Democrats, young voters, believers in race-blind politics, liberals, peaceniks, those worried about America’s image abroad, the sons and daughters of single moms … But to me, the ultimate message delivered by Obama’s election – especially for today’s kids – is this: The smart guy wins. Obama has a lot of traits... Tue, 11 Nov 2008 06:00:00 EST Nov 11 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1107 I have decided to celebrate our doomed economy. It’s time to find something positive in that stack of bills I can’t pay. I’m not the first to look for a sunny side to the recession. As proof that you can put an appealing spin on just about anything, the trend police are now declaring that thriftiness is in vogue. This time, I think they’re right. The Joe the Plumber presidential ploy may have missed its mark, but the working class call to arms it invoked was an obvious reaction to a... Tue, 04 Nov 2008 06:00:00 EST Nov 4 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1074 Listening to my kids and their friends chat about the election, I’ve decided adults should tear up their voter registration cards and let the under-10 set have their say. Here on Nov. 4 – the day the sh** hits the fan – is a tribute to the Presidential Election as spoken from the mouths of babes. These comments were collected from other moms and my own back seat. On division of labor: "I always thought all the presidents were men and all the vice presidents were women." Appearance... Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:00:00 EST Oct 28 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1045 Don’t think I’m bashing Facebook because it won’t allow momsmiami.com blogs to be posted on the site due to some arcane, assinine glitch in its new format. No, I grew wary of this time-eating monster long before that. Sometime around the school night I stayed up until 2 a.m. adding photos, gifts, cities I’ve visited, bumper stickers, books, causes and other applications to my profile page. Don’t even get me started on the amount of time I’ve spent hunting down new and old... Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:00:00 EST Oct 21 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=1019 I admit, at first I was tickled with the idea of presidential candidates and their sidekicks making morning View and late-night Letterman appearances. I started looking forward to Saturday Night Live again. Heck, Caribou Barbie's appearance on this past weekend's episode probably drew more viewers than all presidential debates combined. I even laughed at Obama and McCain’s self-deprecating humor at the recent white-tie Alfred E. Smith Memorial Dinner in New York. Presidential candidates... Tue, 14 Oct 2008 06:00:00 EST Oct 14 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=996 In a place where most of the female population sprouts breasts that comprise half their body weight, it ’ s time for some serious tit talk. I ’ ve come to terms with the surgically-enhanced hood ornaments endemic to South Florida. Yes, I admit it can be challenging to be a B-cup in a C-cup city, but that ’ s not where I ’ m coming from. Ladies, we need to set some serious ground rules about when it ’ s appropriate to unleash those puppies and when and where it ’ s necessary to... Tue, 07 Oct 2008 06:00:00 EST Oct 7 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=972 Maybe the Midwest isn’t as boring as I thought. After all, it has The Midwest Teen Sex Show, a racy video podcast hosted by a 20-something mom of three who has taken sex education into her own hands, dispensing birds-and-the-bees info in a humorous, wisecracking way. The three- to five-minute monthly episodes ( http://midwestteensexshow.com/ ), filmed for the past year on a shoestring budget primarily in Waukesha, Wisc., tackle everything that makes teens (and their parents) squirm: masturbation, oral sex,... Tue, 30 Sep 2008 06:00:00 EST Sep 30 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=942 October begins tomorrow and – like Christmas decorations that startle and annoy us by popping up in stores by Halloween – the parade of pink products for National Breast Cancer Awareness Month is well underway. You can’t get through Target or Macy’s this time of year without being bombarded by pink can openers, pink mixing bowls, pink vacuums, pink shoelaces, pink candles, pink night-lights, pink visors, pink note cards, pink teddy bears, pink Nintendos, pink Pashmina scarves, pink travel... Tue, 23 Sep 2008 06:00:00 EST Sep 23 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=905 Put this in your virtual shopping cart and charge it: Next time you’re purchasing Oprah’s book of the month on amazon.com or splurging for strappy heels on zappos.com, click over to http://www.cryobank.com/ and order yourself some quality online sperm. California Cryobank is now offering sperm shopping on the Internet. Starting this month, you can find a donor using the handy Quick Search pull-down menu, which lets you hunt by hair color, eye color and ethnic origin. After you’ve found Mr. Right... Tue, 16 Sep 2008 06:00:00 EST Sep 16 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=878 Did you hear about the Texas school district that beat Miami to the draw this fall and now allows teachers to carry handguns to school? Please don’t tell the publicity-crazed maniacs on the Miami-Dade School Board or guns as back-to-school attire for teachers will end up at the top of the new superintendent’s to-do list. A small, rural school system in Harrold, Tex., is the first school district in the nation to allow its teachers to carry concealed weapons. In its whacked wisdom, the school board... Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:00:00 EST Sep 9 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=839 I recently received an e-mail touting Kelly Ripa as the spokesmodel for Electrolux and burst out laughing. Electrolux is a fancy brand of washers, dryers, ovens and dishwashers. For some reason, this European appliance company thinks moms everywhere will identify with an emaciated talk show host when they think about dirty clothes and dishes. One ad shows the celebrity mother of three sitting atop a "turquoise sky" blue front-loading washer and dryer with a pile of neatly-folded laundry in her lap.... Tue, 02 Sep 2008 06:00:00 EST Sep 2 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=813 To: Women who tote around oversized, overpriced purses Re: Why? It’s not that I care that you’re destroying your posture by shouldering that super-sized Lola Patent Hobo ($2,495) or Lanvin Padvoa Sac ($2,160). It’s not that it irritates me (much) when you swing around on your Jimmy Choos and whack me with your over-inflated Yves Saint Laurent “Muse” bag ($1,300). It’s not that I worry that you’re going to pass out from the South Florida heat as you hobble... Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:00:00 EST Aug 26 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=785 After moms have worked all day, made dinner, washed the dishes, supervised homework, folded the clean laundry, paid the bills and put the kids to bed, men are still baffled why we’re not in the mood for a romp under the covers before the 6 a.m. alarm heralds a return to the hamster wheel of life. Now some scientists in South Miami have come up with a "cure." Hailed as the female Viagra, a testosterone patch is being developed by a South Florida company to help women with low sexual desire, according... Tue, 19 Aug 2008 06:00:00 EST Aug 19 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=751 This has been the summer of girl-on-girl action, and I’m scratching my sunburned scalp over whether this is a good thing. I don't mind my 8-year-old daughter skipping around the house singing “I Kissed a Girl,” this summer’s hit song by pop tart Katy Perry. My daughters and I have already talked about the fact that some boys like boys and some girls like girls. No big deal. I support my gay and lesbian friends, and I'm glad our culture is finally, slowly acknowledging... Tue, 12 Aug 2008 06:00:00 EST Aug 12 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=721 If there’s a breath of fresh air in the latest stinker about yet another politician who can’t keep his fly zipped, it’s this: Elizabeth Edwards didn’t sit loyally by her husband’s side when John Edwards publicly confessed that he cheated on her. In case you missed Edwards’ televised admission, which coincided with the opening of the Summer Olympic Games on Friday evening (good timing, asshole), the former presidential wannabe was conspicuously solo when he told ABC News... Tue, 05 Aug 2008 06:00:00 EST Aug 5 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=701 Is it child abuse to stick your kid with a crappy name? A family court judge in New Zealand thinks so and he recently made a 9-year-old girl a ward of the court so her name could be changed from Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii to a nombre he deemed more appropriate. ( http://www.miamiherald.com/news/world/AP/story/616106.html ) "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap," the judge wrote about the girl, whose name he discovered while overseeing her... Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:00:00 EST Jul 29 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=676 Hey moms, if you’re suffering from those nagging doubts over which dude fathered your child, there’s now a quick remedy. Amid the packs of Trojans and Vagisil tubes on the shelves of your neighborhood drug store, you can now find the Identigene DNA Paternity Test Kit, the first over-the-counter kit of its kind to be sold in major retail stores ( www.dnatesting.com ). A press release sent out Monday by the manufacturer claims that more than 50,000 people have purchased the paternity test... Tue, 22 Jul 2008 06:00:00 EST Jul 22 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=650 I’ve been saving this one up for a searing hot summer day: Sisters, it’s time to send those pantyhose south. I’m not talking about down-around-the-ankles-during-hot-sex-in-a-public-restroom kind of south. I mean, throw those control-top, sausage-wrapping suckers away. It’s OK now. So says the Wall Street Journal and Michelle Obama. It’s suddenly become acceptable to confess what many of us did years ago - shed those nylon casings. Come on, the only females I know who still... Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:00:00 EST Jul 15 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=512 Like Scared Straight! for wannabe teenage baby mamas, the new NBC reality TV show "The Baby Borrowers" tries to frighten the beejezuz out of young kids by showing them the ugly side of life in the diaper lane. Most everybody has heard about this show by now, but if you haven't, here's a quick recap: Five couples, ages 18 to 20, are put on the fast track of parenthood, starting with a real baby. They go on to take care of a toddler, a pre-teen, a young teenager and even a senior citizen. Along... Tue, 08 Jul 2008 06:00:00 EST Jul 8 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=593 Looks like Cynthia Rodriguez finally woke up and smelled the café con leche. A quick recap for those who haven’t been able to read this week’s celeb porn rags around the pool: A-Rod is now supposedly hitting it out of the ballpark with Madonna. (Prepare yourself for the "Mad-Rod" headlines.) Wife Cynthia, who became pregnant last year just months after hubby Alex was linked to an exotic dancer from Vegas, filed for divorce yesterday here in Miami. Three-month-old Ella's papi has... Tue, 01 Jul 2008 06:00:00 EST Jul 1 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=511 You’ve got to hand it to the Spaniards. While peace signs proliferate on clothing and jewelry here in the States, the country of Spain issued the best non-commercial statement for peace when its new Minister of Defense emerged to inspect her troops in a maternity top, seven months pregnant. Carme Chacón Piqueras, who recently gave birth to her son Miquel, is the first woman to head Spain’s armed forces. She's part of newly-re-elected prime minister Luis Rodriguez Zapatero’s cabinet,... Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:00:00 EST Jun 24 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=509 Once a put-down, then a song title, now a movie, the moniker "Baby Mama" sent politicos scrambling for their urban dictionaries after Fox News called Michelle Obama one in an on-screen graphic this month. Although a Fox senior veep later excused the move as "poor judgment," many people saw it as a racist slap or downright inaccurate. (Which it was on both counts, if you ask me, considering the source.) For the record, courtesy of the Oxford English Dictionary, a baby mama is "the mother of... Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:00:00 EST Jun 17 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=484 I’m not the first one who thinks reality TV is an oxymoron, but TLC’s reality show, "The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom" (http://tlc.discovery.com/tv/soccer-moms/soccer-moms.html) promoted the biggest lie. If you didn’t waste your time watching this one-hour show, which recently ended its first season, here was the premise: An ordinary stay-at-home mom was given the chance to see what her life could have been like had she pursued her career instead of taking care of her family. Moms with... Thu, 12 Jun 2008 06:00:00 EST Jun 12 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=446 This was too delicious to resist: A company called Delta Children's Products has come out with a new line of Jonas Brothers/Camp Rock licensed room gear and -- I am not making this up -- the press release for it says "...fans will be able to bring the excitement of the Jonas Brothers to their very own room.'' As if every, red-blooded, pre-teen girl hasn't already brought the excitement of the Jonas Brothers to her bedroom. The "rockin' new line of room decor" includes a camp... Tue, 10 Jun 2008 06:00:00 EST Jun 10 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=445 Am I the only cynical mom who thinks the Jonas Brothers’ public virginity vow is an alarming bunch of boy band crap? As the mother of two daughters, I find this Disney G-rated marketing scheme a bit troubling. I’m prepared to equip my pre-adolescent girls with a bullshit meter for the obvious ploys used by hot-blooded boys since the beginning of time. But how do you train them to see through the pure-as-snow job coming from a tousle-haired teen hottie with a promise ring on his finger? "I got... Tue, 03 Jun 2008 06:00:00 EST Jun 3 2008 - 06:00:00 AM EST http://www.momsmiami.com/?a=profile&u=2638&t=blog&blog_id=408 Finally, a leak in the June Cleaver conspiracy. There’s bitchy, edgy mom fun on the Net and it’s a helluva lot more scintillating than packing your kid’s lunchbox at 6 a.m. It’s called In The MotherHood ( http://www.inthemotherhood.com ). The snarky web TV site airs three- to five-minute video clips based on real tales of less-than-perfect mommy moments: supermarket meltdowns, public displays of naughty laundry, over-the-top bake sale moms, play dates from hell. Spoiler: One of my...